Question to think about..

At church on Sunday we were given this question to think about...

"What would the most awake and alive version of yourself look like?"

I urge you to think about that today. It doesn't mean that you will be full of energy and bouncing around, talking loudly, it means what would you look like, sound like, act like, if you were living life how you were created to life it.

I know that as a Christian I have a version of myself how I want to be pleasing to God, but even people that do not believe in God can think of what their fully alive version might look like.

For me, I feel that I would:

1. be more fit- if I become more fit than I can have the energy to partake in the gym classes and everything else that comes with teaching... when I get a job that is. Also if I was more fit I would feel better about myself and that would increase my self-confidence.... which needs increasing.

So how will I do this?
I started my couch to 5K program today, a jogging program that I did last summer/fall with two of my friends. I started on week 2 day 1 =5 min warmup, then alternate 90 seconds of jogging with 2 min of walking for 20 min with another 5 min cool down of walking. I have to be honest, it was much harder than I thought. That second jog, and the last jog were soooo hard! I started at week 2 thinking it would be easy, but perhaps I should have started at week 1! I plan on doing this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday I get together with a bunch of friends for TENNIS TUESDAYS, on Thursdays, I don't know what I will do yet, but nothing scheduled for the weekends.

2. be more creative and use my talents.

So how will I do this?
I have taken some cake decorating courses and I have already made some for family functions. I plan to continue this. Even though some cakes cost more money to make than others, I enjoy creating something that I can feel proud of. And it doesn't hurt that my friends and family say they look so good. (which also increases my self confidence)
Also, I am going to play my guitar more. Today I took out the case, dusted it off and opened it to reveal my guitar that I haven't played since last year I think! I bought it with my first paycheck from my first year of teaching. I remember my guitar playing friend coming with me in North Bay and helping me pick it out. I loved listening to people play guitar at camp growing up, and listening to my friends play it in North Bay and I was so excited to get one for my very own. I remember playing for the christian group at Nipissing for the first time, man was I nervous but it was awesome. I have learned a few chords to get me though- most christian camp songs only have the basic chords anyway- which is AWESOME!!! I want to play the guitar more for me, not to play with other people or for other people, although jam sessions are very fun, mostly I want it to be time for myself that I can take the time to learn, to focus, and to sing. Today I looked around for my binder that I have all the songs that I can play in it.... but couldn't find it, that told me it has been too long since I played. I am thankful for the Internet.

3. Invest in people's lives.

How am I going to do this?
I love love love to host events. I love to have people over to my place, and I love to plan outings and road trips. So, I plan on getting together with people more than I do now. I plan on getting to know people who live outside of my building. I want to ask people questions, and listen to their answers.

4. Learn to say no- I am a people-pleaser. There have been a few people that I have let walk all over me throughout my lifetime because I feel like I need to make sure everyone is happy and do what everyone else wants to do. My sister even told me to grow a backbone once, but I didn't get it until a few years ago looking back on the situation. I think I just wanted everyone to like me and for no one to hate me. I felt that if I stand up for what I want, others might think less of me for some reason. At times I have said yes to everything, which just leaves me with lots to do and exhausted. .... which is not a fully alive version of me at all. I have had good conversations these past 6 months with two other people-pleasers in my life and it has been really good to hear how they feel, and how pleasing people all the time does not make you happy, and most of the time trying to please people all the time does not make the other people happy either.

How am I going to do this?
I have started already, but it is going to be the hardest one of all to do. I have started to share more bit by bit of what I really want to do, or how I really feel of things. It is hard because it has the potential to lead to a lot of conflict, and already has led to that some, because people who are close to me expect the people-pleaser answer from me. I can't live other people's lives, and do what make other people happy anymore just for me to be well-liked. I am a person who, I feel is very caring and loving, I just refuse to be a pleaser-and if people don't like who I really am, then I guess it sucks to be them!

**** correction*****I just tried to go to sleep but when I do that I think of way too many things, one of them tonight being that this blog post can't be correct.
I must not have bought the guitar my first year teaching because I played it in teachers college as I remember playing it for my family when they came up for graduation. Hmmmm guess my clear memory of paying with my first paycheck must have been not from teaching, perhaps from the boat?
Doesn't matter much, but I knew I wasn't going to get it off my mind until I added this to my blog. Goodnight.